The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
grabe! i'm having a terrible headache! actually kahapon pa ata ito. kya nga rin siguro hindi ako ngblog.. (ata) anyway. may interview ako tomorrow at the one thing i'm worried about is not really the interview itself but how much the compensation would possibly be being the sort-of breadwinner ng family. actually, somehow alam ko na na ganun ka-heavy ang responsibility ko after my grad or at least after ko technically matapos ang aking college. i know it'll follow sooner than i expect it to be.
i remember before may college-single stuff kami sa fccy. overnight sya sa hall of hope. tapos naalala that night during an activity, nakaharap kasi ako sa bintana tapos kita ko yung area, night lights ng mga building at mga ilang bahay..gabi na nun kya ganda tignan. tapos natatandaan ko.. sabi ko.. "ayaw ko kasi makakita ng taong hindi masaya, gusto ko lahat nkatawa or naka-smile" naisip ko din nung time na yun..ewan ko kung nsabi ko.. but nyway, that time, i told myself na.. kpag naggraduate na ako.. mas marami akong magagawa para sa mga tao para sumaya sila.. hindi na ako magiging ganun ka-helpless whenever i see people not smiling.. kahit papaano may magagawa na ako.at gagamitin ko yung course ko para dun. kung baga isip ko nun hindi lang family ko matutulungan ko. weird pero one of my higit pang kakaibang dream kaysa sa nabanggit ko nung nkaraang entry ko ay ang maging anghel ng mga people.. oh di ba! taas ng pangarap ko!
it was the same reason din kung bakit napapayag akong maging music min steward. actually ang gusto ko lang gawin dati ay ang tumulong bilang member.kasi yun lang ang alam ko at siguradong sigurado akong kaya kong gawin. pero there are times na kpag may mga people na nagkukuwento sa'kin about feedbacks nla sa org.. naisip ko..la naman akong mgagawa kundi ang makinig sa kanila..member lang naman po ako. pero there were times na i felt helpless lalo na nun may ilang people na umalis na ng fccy. so naisip ko.. mas malaki ang opportunity na binigay sa'kin ni God ngayon para may magawa ako.. pero so far la pa talaga akong nagagawa. i feel really bad about that and it just crushes my confidence even more kapag may activities kung san involved ako na pumapalya.
pero ang bigat ng responsibility. sobra. kung iisipin ko at iisa-isahin. sa family ko pa lang ang laki na ng nakasalalay sa'kin. at ngayon meron din sa fc. minsan napapaisip talaga ako bakit ba ako nandito noh! well it's for me to find out. wish ko lang i'll make everyone proud of me. whether or not may 'expectations' daw sa amin sa cgc, it doesn't matter. kasi for me, eversince nun bata pa ako.. my parents really expect a lot from me academically speaking. and until now naman at di na mawawala yun. so ako mismo, i'm expecting myself to be this and that, at kapag hindi ko nagawa yun, walang akong ibang sisisihin kundi moi,me, myself and i!grabe sabog na ako antok na ata ako!
pagod ako naggrocery kasi kami ni mama. hay.. tapos i'm worried pa sa interview ko tom. at sa kanilang offers and conditions. i pray na i make the right decision.
sa akin namang.. ehem..luvey life.. oh well medyo masaya na hindi.. (safe naman ako magchika chika dito about ds purrson dhil ala naman nagbabasa ng blog ko) wahaha! lucky me! ewan ko ba! well masaya kasi nakita ko crush ko.. wahahaha! at grabe ka-hyper! kasi di lang nakita nakausap ko rin!!!okay tama na yun lang! no more other buking stuffs.. hihihi..hirap kasi, you know.. i'm kinda paranoid baka sakaling mabasa nya eh di patay ako! buking!!!so i'll play a little safe.^ - ^ (one BIG smile)
sa mga taga la salle na nagmimidterms! gudluck mga pare! and girlalus! pati mga baklush and mga paka-guyz-na-gurlash na din gudluck! kya nyo yan! astig tayo eh! ^_~
tama na lasing na yung nagttype! hehe nyt world!
grabe inaantok na ako, pagod na ako, pero eto pa rin ako! NAG-IINTERNET AT NASA BLOG! la din kasing makausap ng matino dito sa bahay. at ganito ako kpag inaantok na nagdadaldal para makatulog. that is if may kausap ako.
i'm thinking about the miscommunication and misunderstanding of.. ummm.. DEM! you know who you are! well di naman nila nababasa so okay lang wehehe at medyo lasing na ako sa antok so di ko na alam ang pinagttype ko dito.. so bka may instances na subconscious ko na nagchichika oh well la naman magbabasa nito! wehehe! alam kong medyo nananahimik na kahit papaano ang both parties. pero dis doesn't mean that the problem(s) has(have) been solved. in fact hindi talaga sya na-solve. people may understand what this 'not-fixing-the-problem-and-not-talking-about-it' thing can do with the relationship of the vice with us. may crack na. actually, there was one time na i felt there were a lot of people wearing masks. kainis! those were not the people i know or have come to know. ngayon, nagpipigil na rin ang visers na magcomment/magsalita ng kung anuman ang naiisip nila. feeling ko, na-hurt talaga sila. hindi naman kasi ganun ang nangyari!!!! grrrr!!!! darn it. kasi problema nito is hindi nagkakaliwanagan ang mga people!
un email kasi, it's a combi of the 'labas ng rxns ng ibang ---' PLUS! TAKE NOTE! PLUS AT HINDI LANG BASTA PLUS! MALAKING PLUS! d personal rxns of the person who sent the mail. i think the --- (okay, 'we') got hurt with some of the things mentioned or chizmaxed by the visers sa email. pero it's but normal. kasi meron ngang wrong choice of words and alangan naman we'll keep our rxns to ourselves na lang eh the group 'we' have a point din naman. pero yun nga. that particular email was not the correct way of dealing with the problem and of letting them know that there are some negative rxns from us. although one of the intensions was to try to help us out, the way it was done wasn't just the right thing to do. and it should be 'us' who should've done something about it since 'we' are the ones involved. gets nyo? the hell with wag pag-usapan ito para maayos. the hell with wala tayong time para intindihin pa 'to. can't we see? we can still make things better, instead of this thing destroying us, let's make it something that would help us understand each other better and to be more sensitive to each other. THIS IS NOT THE _ _ _ _ i have in mind. ayoko ng org na hiwahiwalay at nagpaplastikan someday dahil may mga unsettled things.
i may be asking too much but i pray that we can talk about this and settle this in such a way na in the end we understand each other at sana be closer and stronger than ever. i hope the visers will go back to what they are before but with caution. while 'we' would be able to show them and make them feel that these people are very important part of this family. i don't want its destruction to start.not now, not ever. dahil kung mangyayari yun... di 'to exag..it's like more than half of my being died.
friendship has been and will always be a big part of the reason why people stay in this org. or any other orgs.
waaaaaaaaaaa!!see? antok na talaga ako! kung anu ano na pinagtttype ko.wehehe. at pinagsasasabi ko! haaaaaay.......
gusto ko pa rin puntang TAGAYTAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! un lang.hay.....
hmm.. tuloy ko kya practice tom? medyo di kasi okay na wala ang high school at non-music people namin. sbi kasi nila habol na lang sila kung kaya. eh kung hindi? e di balik nanaman kami sa dati? para bang walang nangyari. if we're gonna start again kasi it would be a lot better if we start strong.i'm looking for a breakthrough.pero hindi ako naddishearten. nkahanap na ako ng outreach na lugar sa paco.
siguro i won't take any other responsibilities na dadagdag sa mind ko. or better yet, yung mga dapat asikasuhin ko sa other ministries ko this nov. ngayon ko na gawin. para i can focus sa caroling. tama na rest. i have to finish everything i started or we started. so pati docu. asikasuhin na this next two weeks. sana magawa ko.. hindi, dapat, magawa ko.
i wonder if the problem died down na? set aside muna yun. there are more important things to tend to. it's not like i treat it as something not important pero tama na. this problem shouldn't hold anyone back. right?
at i have a feeling i'll start working this november. so i'll be busier. ay mali. mas marami pala akong gagawin. (I DON'T WANNA BE UNDER SATAN'S YOKE!) hehe.i hope the old carla comes back. the carla back then (few years ago) is confident enough to handle anything academically speaking that is.. give her a lot of tasks and she finishes it.smoothly and nicely. just give her the details and without any second thoughts she does it. and if i will her to come back-- will it really hard for her to come back. she just might..grabe. God help me on this one. i really need it!^ ^
feeling ko malapit na akong maging sobrang busy. to be more specific, i feel that my 'break' will soon be over. actually, gusto ko sana next year na magsimulang magtrabaho. kaso lang circumstances tell me otherwise. it's pushing me to take the responsibility earlier than i want or maybe even earlier than i can. i hope malubos lubos ko na 'tong break ko. i wanna go out of town. kung susuwertehin out of the country to enjoy pero i don't think mangyayari yun. unless God would be in the mood to give me a miracle. i'm still praying that i'll have more time to take a rest for i know that once i start working i'll be having a break from it only after a lot of years have passed.
at kung matanggap nga dun, katakot kahit ayaw ko. mukhang la akong mgagawa kundi magfocus dun. weird ba to be scared of being focused in my job? yeah. ewan ko kung exage lang pero.. it might be like death.. i'm really scared. i'm getting all worked-up just thinking of working. it's silly but it's like working will be giving me a heart attack! and i think i find it worse if i'll love my work far too much. it's okay if i love it! but love it far too much? it'll scare me somehow, at least when i thought of it right now. okay. i know i'm a real weirdo now. but what can i do? question is why am i afraid of it?..
grabe.pagod ako today. feeling ko magkakasakit ako.or may sakit na ako hindi ko pa alam.
may namimiss akong tao at i hate it! hay.. (sinasabunutan na ang sarili) "get out of my head pls.." nakakaloka pala yung ganito! kpag di mo nakakausap! grabe! kainis! asan na po ba kasi kayo? hay.. manonood na lang ako ng anime.. although reminds me of 'sya' pa rin.. grrrrr..AS IN GRRRR!!!! KAINIS!!!WAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!! hay kainis.. minsan nagbabasa lang ako sa pc maya maya lumilipad na pala aking mind.. at kainis pa nito dahil online ako nagbabasa! nauubos un internet ko kakatunganga!!!!!! grrrrr!!!! I REALLY HAVE TO STOP THIS. ITUTULOG KO NA LANG.
pero totoo miss ko na po kyo...
today, i spent almost the whole day outside the house.. haven't done that for quite some time na. at pagkatapos ko manuod ng UFO baby, heto ako nasa blog at nakikinig ng 'seaside suicide' ngayon ko lang sya narinig actually. gusto ko lang marinig ang voice ni omi kumanta. yun lang. babaw ba? e ano ngayon? wehehe!!! honestly hindi ko gusto yung song.. geez! oms, bkit ka naman pumayag kumanta nito? hehe joke.. anyway, i'll learn to like it din! syempre sya kumanta! wahaha.. (oh btw, i'm talking about the anime character and not the singer himself) hehe. intro pa lang ang gusto ko. hehe.. sana magustuhan ko d rest of the song--um..eventually siguro.. nyway, tuloy ang kwento.
i went to SVG & Co. kanina i had an interview and exam ng 8am, there, i met shayne, isang girlalu na madaling kagaangan ng loob. andun sya dahil exam and interview din. mabait sya. at matapos ang interview namin, we decided to have lunch together sa glorietta. chika chika. she's from bulacan. taga uste/ uste graduate.
sa interview, nung tinanung nya anung position apply nya pinili nya yung hindi binigay sa'kin or yung iba sa'kin kasi the interviewer told her that there are a lot of people who are vying for the two vacant positions. so, sbi nya, it's better na hindi kami magcompete for one place. para mas big un chance na mapili kami. at kung susuwertehin lalo, kaming dalawa yung mtanggap.touch ako.*^-^* akala ko la na ibang taong mabait kung hindi yung mga kakilala ko. sana magkita pa kami. we exchanged cel nos. para we can k.i.t.
gusto ko na yung offer, hindi ko pa rin sure dahil mukhang hindi sya ganun ka-financially rewarding. which became another source of argument namin ni mama. minsan kasi tanga tanga siguro ako. at sarado utak ko para maintindihan mama ko. nyway, sana , i'm praying, at kung may makabasa nito pls pray na rin na sana at least 13k man lang or 12k. pero may isang side ang kwento, i will be busy. AS IN BUSY. takot ako baka mpabayaan ko fc. esp. music. ewan ko, tuwing naghahanap ako ng work naiisip ko baka magsuffer ang fc aspect ng life ko. God help! baka makalimot ako.
ngayon pa nga lang, la pa nangyayari sa music, what more if magwork ako at maging busy at mapunta ang full concentration ko dun? is this really a wrong time for me to handle such responsibility in music min? how about quality time for my family and friends and myself? sabi ko gusto ko balance. pero ang hirap talaga.
at ngayon, i feel na nagbabago ako. especially attitude. minsan. napaka antipatika ko. as in bitch! see, who's crazy enough to admit this. oo nga meron iilan na self-proclaimed bitch. oh well. sometimes i'm starting to feel hatred na naggraduate ako. napaka-life changing.
and i fear na baka next time i take a look at myself in the mirror, i might not know who the person who looks back at me is. i'm afraid that the person i see in the mirror is a total stranger..
i'm listening to jrock now, nasa ganung mode ako..so 'maingay' dito sa bahay okay lang ala nman ppol.GRABE! GUSTO KO PUMUNTANG TAGAYTAY!!!!! naipasok kasi un sa isip ko yesterday biro lang sya ni poy pero i liked the idea.. kahit na nasa house lang ako dami kong inaalala.. actually mas gusto ko pa ata nung nag-aaral ako kasi la akong gaanong binibigyan ng attention kung hindi ang studies ko! geeeeeeek!!! hindi noh! ^ ^KAKAGISING KO LANG!!!! hay gosh ang weird ng dream ko..i met two new people sa isang radio station, isang girl at isang guy..reminds me a lot nung nasa animo pa ako.. si lea and si alvin pero hindi sila ung nsa dream ko..they remind me of these two lang. nag-submit daw kasi ako ng resume sa radio station nila teka! oo nga noh! pwede nga kya ako magsubmit sa radio station? hihihi oki di ba? anyway yun nga i met these two people and they're nice naman so naging friends ko sila eventually. tapos kasi ginising ako ng aking madir tapos natulog ako ulit after a minute.. dun ko nafind out na naitutuloy pala ang dream.. kasi napanaginipan ko na pumunta ako ulit sa kanila.. pero i just came for a visit sa aking two new friends. hay.. i didn't get their names sa dream. i just know we've become friends.^ ^ i made new friends sa dream! hehehehe.. kailangan ko ng kausap ngayon siguro or at least man lang kasama, un friend ko a!=) ay oo nga pala sa wakas may tagboard na ako! hehe maloka ako di ko alam san ko sya lalagay so medyo i decided to find out last nyt. hehe successful naman.
mamaya na yung sa fc.. eto muna.. naisip ko ngayon na ano nga pala dreams ko nung younger pa ako..kasi if at lost go back kung san ka nagsimula or sa iyong roots.. teka san ko ba natutunan yun? malamang sa isang anime na napanood ko. anyway..sabi ko gusto kong pumunta ng ibang country hehe gusto ko puntang japan! kaso ang mahal dun doble doble price! gusto ko rin pumunta ng canada, ng paris at siyempre GREECE! trip ko kasi yung ruins dun.!!kaya minsan naisip ko rin maging archeologist!actually until now..pero medyo creepy kasi yun minsan hehe kung hindi man ako ggawa ng ganung mga work siguro mag-aaral na lang ako tungkol sa mga yun at i-shshare ko na lang sa iba maybe through teaching? kaya minsan naisip ko rin maging prof. hehe ^ ^ tapos, mahilig kasi ako magsulat ng stories.. well medyo novel type sya i'm not really good at it pero hobby sya.. hehe only a few people know about that hehe=) so minsan nainisip ko maging novelist/kung hindi naman fanfiction writer na lang hahahaha! =) mahilig din akong magdraw especially if nasa mood ako.. kung hindi kasi ako ngsusulat nag-ddrawing na lang ako.. hobby din. pero usually ginagawa ko lang 'tong mga 'to to express kung ano naffeel ko that moment. outlet. sabi ko rin dati, gusto ko if magkakahouse ako/kami, ako gagawa ng design at plano. so naisip ko hehe maging archi at interior designer hahahahahaha pero totoo lahat ng sinasabi ko.. hindi ito gutom! NEVER IN MY LIFE HAVE I DREAMT OF BEING IN THE CORPORATE WORLD! until now.. well minsan pero hindi yun ang gusto ko.. alam ko na bakit ko pinili yung course ng marketing.. kasi naisip ko bilang eldest kiddo, lahat nakasalalay sa'kin, yung mga hopes na family ko nasa akin lahat..kaya commerce course pinili ko para may sasandalan ako para mabuhay kami ng aming family..and dati that was fine with me kahit mabigat at believe it or not. may plano ako for each of them! o di ba! grabe advance isip ko! as in planado na lahat sa kanila pero nakalimutan ko magplan for myself! geez! talk about stupidity! (untog sa pader ang ulo!) at minsan.. naisip ko rin sana marunong akong mag-arrange ng flowers for different occasions wag naman sa tigok na! pero siguro that's part of it din..at naisip ko gusto ko rin magkaroon ng flowershop. i love flowers kasi! sobra! to the point na pati FLOWERS NG SPAP kapag ngmmass ay pinagdidiskitahan kong titigan at mukha akong sira ulo na ngingiti ngiti hehe=) minsan naman sabi ko gusto ko maghelp sa mga orgs na tumutulong sa mga iba't ibang mga people esp sa less fortunate.. so naisip ko naman maging voluteer sa iba't ibang klase ng ganitong org. ang layo ba ng mga dreams ko sa course kong marketing? medyo di ba? pero there are some things i like about marketing naman.. the events part! i love events! kaso yun naman ang hindi ko nakuhang elective! geez! kaasar ang life! another part is travelling. pero dun naman ang aking prob ay ayaw ko malayo sa aking family. i like art. i wanna learn how to paint, to draw etc.. matyaga ako sa paggawa ng mga ganito.. prob ko lang ng konti ang ideas. ako kasi yung type ng tao sa ganitong bagay na kung la akong maisip na idea, give me one and i'll do it for you. kya gusto ko rin matututo ng mga stuffs sa pc na related sa ganitong klaseng art. minsan naman.. nag-illusion din akong magperform sa stage! o di ba? celeb.. well hindi naman.. ang aking dream lang ay magkaroon ng gigs sa mga bars and resto..mga tipong dish hehe kapal! or concerts yun lang. ayaw ko ng album. . hehe pero totoo, i love to sing. hindi ko lang magawa kasi minsan nahihiya ako.. gosh... *^-^* kasi if i'm gonna be a singer naman.. gusto ko sa ibang asian country particularly jap. grabe tindi ng influence sa'kin ng anime i know. at oonga pla dati naisip ko rin maging animator.. naisip ko na ring mag-nurse.. at ngayon.. naisip ko maging detective.. wahaha! ang dami! pero pansin ko lang none of the things i've mentioned na dream ko is to become a marketer. i really didn't see myself as someone like that.. events organizer lang ang gusto ko dun. hehe. i hate selling. i don't like boring paper works, well minsan okay lang or gusto ko pero minsan lang. gusto ko rin matutong magluto. kasi minsan pag wala time si mama gawa ng food..order sa labas if may money, at de lata kapag wala.. minsan talaga kapag naasar ako at may laman ang ref at may recipe book ako! humanda ang kitchen namin! MAGRARAID AKO NG FRIDGE AT MAUUBOS ANG GAS! HEHEHE JOKE exage naman. naisip ko ring maging exchange student. well la na yun ngayon kasi nung nakita ko yung form dati..feeling ko di ko kya incase may bayaran ako.. pero i would really love to! pero sana may kasama ako.. at nang hindi ako mbato at mabored AT MALIGAW..kung maligaw man ako, MAY KASAMA AKO! WHAHAHAHA gusto ko rin sa jap! hehehehehehe. dati ang plano ko, mag-aaral ako ng marketing, tapos masteral ng business mgt.(kasi gusto nila mama & papa) at mag-aaral naman ako ng course na gusto ko talaga. geek ba? hindi kasi factor ang age sa'kin when it comes to reaching my dreams and doing what i want to do. UNSTOPPABLE AKO kung gugustuhin ko.
dati, tinanong ako ng aming family doctor.. ang dami ko daw plans kaso asan yung plans ko for marriage! whahaha and you know kung ano sagot ko sa kanya? "HEHEHE OO NGA NOH!NAKALIMUTAN KO!!!!" feeling ko wala.. pero like any other common girl gusto ko may pagka-fairy tale pero cool ang aking story.. isang jap idol lang naman hehehe joke..as in joke talaga! gusto ko hindi sya boring.. ay teka.. stop ko na sabihin kung ano gusto ko kasi baka hindi yun ang mkuha ko.. hehehe minsan kasi un ideal person mo, kabalikataran ng napupunta syo hehehe. honestly, hindi sya ganun ka-okay. pero sabi nga nila beauty is in the eyes of the beholder..at a person will only be perfect if you're in love with him..yaks! goshes! it's so mushy! pero gusto ko talaga warm person sya. AAAAA!!!! SINABI KO!!!! well, la naman magbabasa ng ganito kahabang entry hahahahaha edi la din naka-alam!!!! teka mag-breakfast muna ako.. isang oras na ang nakalipas hehe go jrock! ^ ^ GUSTO KO PUNTA TAGAYTAY!!!!!!!! I HATE GLUHEN PA RIN!!! GRRRRRR!!!!! >=I ja!
there are a lot of things running inside my head now.. una.. fccy.
kailangan na itong ma-solve dahil kung hindi, baka lumala ang mga bagay bagay or kung palalagpasin lang 'to without doing anything about it..kung baga 'drop the subject' hindi naman ata tama.. kasi walang closure, walang nangyari, nakasakit lang ng iba at hindi nagkalinawanagan. anu bang gagawin ko? ano ba kailangan kong gawin? meron ba akong magagawa? paano? eh busy lahat ng tao.. too busy to talk about things. some might even want to avoid talking about it na kasi nakakapagod na for them (maybe lang).
this situation reminded me of something in my past..grabe! sa sobrang pagpapaalala ng past na 'to, napanaginipan ko pah! kagabi lang! i dreamt of a person na di ko akalain na hindi ko pa pala napapatawad. at sa dream ko, pinansin nya ako. sabi nya, ikaw hindi ka na namamansin ha! so ang kaplastikan ng beauty ko, i smiled and told her.. "hindi a! kamusta?" as in hindi ako ready na kausapin sya ng ganun na parang walang nangyari before. tapos sa dream ko i've completely forgiven her pero yung sumisigaw yung heart ko.. naks.. heart daw! na HINDI! hindi ko sya maforgive! hindi pa ako ready! sobra, until now kapag nakikita ko sya sa spas (believe it or not hindi sya student!) nasisira ang araw ko! and that was way back in elementary pa! geez! akala ko i forgave her na..kahit na hindi sya nag-apologize (syempre, ikaw ba naman magsorry sa student mo? yeah, she's not that kind of person! just my luck), hindi pa pala. i just wanted to think that i have pero in reality hindi pa pala.. or maybe forgiven but not forgotten. makes me think, ako ba mismo hindi ko pa na-fforgive un sarili ko? is there something i have to forgive myself with in that particular incident? kasi if iisipin ko, i did the right thing but the consequences were really tough! quite tough for an elementary student to handle! it's one of the 'nightmares' in my life i suppose. kasi given the chance na maulit yun, ggawin ko pa rin kung ano ang sa tingin ko ay tama..grabe, honesty's consequence is really something!
teka, lumayo ako sa usapan, i'm suppose to talk about fccy here.. oh well teka..continue ko na lang tomorrow.. tawag na ako at ako'y pinapatulog na! hay.. eto nanaman..mag-iisip nnman ako hanggang makatulog which is mga 3am pa siguro ang tulog ko khit ilang oras na ako nakahiga at nakatingin sa ceiling!
kanina ang saya saya ko.. ngayon.. ewan..
there's this problem that's been bugging me..i'm worried..too worried..worried about them. all of them. i know i won't be able to be of any help and that's frustrating. sooo damn! frustrating! things may have seem to subside but i don't think it really did and you know what, this is crazy but possible.. it didn't subside, it was hidden.. yes. hidden from the view of the 'children'.. as 'parents' they seem to have come to an agreement of not letting us know about what's going on inside.. it's not that i'm complaining.. and i know i said that i didn't wanna see these kinds of arguments or problem but DAMN IT! IT HAS GOTTEN ME WORRIED TO THE MARROWS OF MY BONES!! GOODNESS.. i know ignorance is bliss but right now i don't believe it still applies..well aside from the point that i'm not that 'ignorant' in this case, this part of me that knows something's going on is driving me NUTS! TOTALLY NUTS! NUTS WITH WORRY! DAMN IT! i don't wanna lose anyone of them, neither would i want anyone of them to change. friend, need hug..
aliw talaga! i really like UFO baby! kaka-addict! i like kanata's personality. medyo kainis lng kasi mpang-asar sya pero that's okay it makes their tandem cute! hihi baby lou's eyes remind of omi's ang cute!!!!especially if he pouts! ang cuuuuute talaga! (I HATE GLUHEN!)
princess tutu is really nice! pero nakakainis din! grr... why does he have to be bad.. darn! ngayon may dadagdag na sa "ang mga cute kung hindi taken, gay OR nagiging BAD!" kainis di ba? grrrr!!!! (I HATE GLUHEN!)
hunter x hunter! hay.. hindi ko nanaman natapos ang series.. hay... hay... at isa pang hay...! ( I HATE GLUHEN!)
weiss kreuz alam kong tagal nang wala sa tv so sa sobrang gusto kong makita sila esp omi, ken and nagi bumili na lang ako ng vcd's EXCEPT GLUHEN dahil nung may mga nabasa akong spoilers KAINIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so this means hindi ko pa napapanood yung gluhen pero sinusumpa ko na sya!!! gets nyo?! I HATE GLUHEN!!!!!! poor omi-kun.. but i definitely,absolutely, undeniably L-O-V-E the songs! (sighs) pero nun nkita ko yung kumanta.. umm i'll settle for their faces in anime i guess hihihi ^-^ ang sama ba? hehehe
grabe stress reliever yung songs ng anime for me.. sobrang gusto ko sila! pero syempre hindi lahat.. pero madami.. ^-^ and i don't care kung hindi ko sya maintindihan! music has it's own way of getting itself into people's hearts and minds.
naiisip ko lang ngayon, if my pc is inside my room at wala akong work tlaga and la nagpapatulog sa'kin ng maaga, i might have written my own fanfictions na as well as original stories. big prob tlaga privacy! i wanna be alone when i write noh! i'm not good at it pero i like to write.. esp if nasa mood ako! ay grabe!
sana wag akong tamarin umalis bukas.. gusto ko kasi pakuha grad pic ulit sa isang studio. di ko kasi type yung dati ko. tapos sa saturday na bablik un toga.at dapat punta na ako ng p&g..honestly ayaw ko pang mag-work gusto ko kasi muna enjoy 'tong bakasyon ko. pero pinepressure na ako ng mga tao sa bahay. kainis nga eh. anyway don't wanna talk about it kainis lang nga! hay basta i love anime pero I HATE GLUHEN! GRRRRR!!!!! un lang ^-^!
ganito lagi.. araw araw na lang..tuwing ganitong oras..pressure...lungkot.. lahat na..
la akong sinabihan pero nung graduation ko.. breakfast pa lang sniff sniff na ako.. as in cry cry. sa lahat ng ayaw ko ay ang umiyak sa harap ng any member ng family namin.. why? kasi i'm suppose to be the tough one. yes. the tough one.
btw, la privacy dito kapag nagtytype ka sa harap ng pc or kung nagbabasa ka man or what. kasi nasa living room po ang pc that's right. living room. heto nanaman po ang nanay dear telling me that same "tulog ka na lagi kang nagpupuyat la ka naman pasok tapos late ka nagigising." and "maglatag ka ng maaga tutal naman ikaw ang walang ginagawa dito sa bahay" hay.. tamad ako.. yung ang possible na unang unang maiisip ng iba kapag nabasa nila itong pinasasasabi ko. well.. siguro nga.. pero dun sa part na matulog na ako.. well ayaw ko man ipaalam nabubuking na ata ako.. hindi na talaga ako makatulog ng maaga ngaun usually ang tulog ko higa ako ng mga 12 or 1 pero nkakatulog ako mga 2 or 3. grabe minsan inabot ako ng 330 ata. syempre hindi naman ako nagpahalata di ba ayaw ko kasi nag-aalala sa'kin. minsan okay lang pero yaw kong iniisip ako ng mga tao sa bahay. di ko lang feel. tsaka buhay ako ng ganitong time.. mas nakakapag-isip ako at may peace.. siguro yun nga ang dahilan din kung bakit gusto kong gising ng ganitong oras..tahimik..but sometimes too quiet.. la kang kausap..kaya nga it's the best time for me to access the blog.. which is di ko naman magawa dahil pinapatulog ako..geez!
anyway, balik sa graduation.. i wanted that day to be something pleasant as in peaceful, masaya well that's how it should be di ba? pero NO... it didn't turn out that well.. breakfast palang away agad.. si mama and si papa.. grabe.. bigla na lang akong umiyak habang kumakain ako.. tapos sinasabi pa ni papa na aalis na siya sa house.. i wanted to pretend it was all a dream- a bad dream.. pero it's real.. it's reality.. buti na lang away lang talaga yun pero muntik na totohanin kasi naghanap na ng plastic bag at lalagyan ng gamit si papa.. isip ko.. bakit ganun.. tapos nagkakaganito pa sila sa araw ng graduation ko.. la man lang silang awa. may parents are not bad pero sila lang yung tipong lang paki kung nag-aaway sa harap namin.. kaya rin siguro dati kapag may prob and advisers, ayaw kong nakikitang hindi sila nag-uusap at nag-cocold war sa harap ng ibang tao para bang parents na nag-aaway sa harap ng kids nila. oh well that's a different story. nakakainis.. kahit birthday ng bro ko ganun sila.. pero mas mild.. kainis.. minsan i wish may sarili akong room.. and i'm gonna lock myself there..dun na lang ako kaysa makita at marinig ko silang nag-aaway at makita nila akong cryin' my heart out.. kaso iniisip ko brother ko.. pano siya if iwanan ko lang siya dun or if makita niya akong umiyak. kahit nag-aaway kami nun, away kapatid yun at bati naman agad tska iba kami, kahit papaano close kami.. yung tipong kapag ayaw kampihan ng mom and dad ko bro ko, tatakbo yun sa'kin.. ^ ^ eh ako lang naman makakaintindi dun.. parang ako rin yun.. difference lang namin, siya mas sinasabi nya pag galit sya ako mas tago..
tapos ngayon may financial prob kami.. and since graduate na ako.. surprise surprise ako na lang ang parang inaasahan nila.. yun bang parang sinabi nilang "i give up or we give up" "ikaw naman it's your turn." pero if i'm still a kid sigurado hindi sila maggive-up kasi iisipin nila bata pa ako at ang bro ko so they shouldn't give up.. i know na totoo i'm sort of a hope for them pero feeling ko somehow it's unfair coz okay lang magdepend sa'kin pero pressuring me.. medyo nainis lang ako kasi hindi na nila kailangan sabihin sa kin i know my resposibilities well as part of this family.. as the eldest kid. and i have big dreams for them..BIG DREAMS..
simula nung medyo nagkakaprob sa money sila papa, daming nagbago.. dalas away, laging problemado si papa and si mama. pero i wanna tell them na it's not suppose to be all about money.. i mean we can be and should be happy not because we can buy all we want but because we are together.. hay.. i want it to get into their thick heads na ganun nga..sabihin man nila na hindi ko kasi naiintindihan pa yung importance ng money, well, i think they forgot the basics of survival in this world "it's love that binds the universe". and with God in the center of our lives everything is a lot lighter and better! minsan gusto ko silang ipa-counselng at isama sa mga couples for christ stuffs para ma-balik sa life nila si God. well, maging better ang relationship nila with God that's what i mean.. AT NANG MAUNTOG SILA AT MAGISING SA KATOTOHANAN NA HOY! WAG NYO SYANGIN LIFE NYO..HAVE HOPE AND FAITH and don't forget God's greatest commandment -- LOVE. alam kong hindi ko kayang gawin yun..kasi hindi naman sila makikinig sa mas bata sa kanila kahit na anong kausap ang gawin ko jan e mas matigas pa sa bato ang mga ulo nila. minsan iniisip ko siguro kaya din nahihirapan sina papa and mama ngayon is because God wants them to find their way back to Him. malay ko ba? at malay nyo? di ba? it's possible.
sometimes when i find myself alone ganitong oras.. ordinary days.. daming umiikot sa mind ko.. i think about crazy things.. like what if..i do this or i do that.. well.. naiisip ko naman palagi.. i won't go to heaven if i do that gosh.. and since i'm thinking about it yun mere thought palang, nilalagay ko na sa alanganin ang judgement sa'kin sa final day whether i'm gonna go down or not.. but i know God understands..kasi lam ko anjan pa siya.. marami syang ipapagawa sa'kin.. pero minsan talaga naisip ko to give up.. at least tapos na..yung ganung thought pero yung nga kaya naman hindi natutuloy kasi laging pinapasok sa isip ko ni God na hoy! dito pa ako..noh dami kang assignment sa 'kin hihihi.. tska dami kang dapat gawin.. maraming umaasa syo...kaya andito pa ako! kahit loka loka na as a certain song goes "tuloy pa rin ang awit ng buhay ko.."^-^ besides! marami pa akong anime hindi natatapos panoorin!!!!hihihi nyt!
SA LAHAT NG MGA NAG-GRADUATE NGAYONG sch. yr. 2004-2005 1st term... ASTIG TAYO!!!!! WE RULE!!!!!!!!(hugs everybody) (one BIG HUG!)
Today, October 09, 2004 at around 3:15 pm, the whole De La Salle University graduating batch of the school year 2004-2005 1st trimester transferred their caps' tassels from right to left. This signifies the end of our college studies and the beginning of our lives outside the four corners of our classrooms and outside the DLSU Taft Avenue Campus. It was quite evident, in the smiles, cheers, laughter and the sounds of 'congratulations', how happy the graduates were in the official announcement of the end of their college studies. It is safe to assume that everyone felt anxious excited on coming up on stage to get hold of their well appreciated and precious diplomas we undoubtedly deserve!
At last, after years of hard work and laziness (^-^), determination to pass exams
Saint was chosen to give a response speech in behalf of the graduates. There he presented the seriousness behind the comedy of the country's present situation like how politics become a form of entertainment and how the entertainment industry becomes part of politics. He also shared or helped us refresh our memory on one of the first stories we've heard during our first year in La Salle. The story is about a boy picking up and throwing back the starfishes carried by the sea to the shore. When a man saw this, he told the boy that he won't make a difference even if the starfishes were to be thrown back to the sea because there are a lot of these sea creatures in a lot of beaches and that single boy won't be able to bring every single starfish back to the sea. But the boy just smiled at him, picked up another starfish and throw it back to the sea but this time he uttered, "I made a difference on that one!” The graduating students are symbolized by the starfish on the shore while the people who were behind us all this time are symbolized by the boy. These people made a difference in our lives and we too can do that by using what we have learned to make a difference in our very own lives, other people's lives, our country, or in the world that we live in. According to him, let's be true d-l-s-u graduates, meaning doers, learners, servers, and unifiers. Finally, he quoted the words of Sam in one of the scenes in the Lord of the Rings... something that goes like this...THERE'S SOMETHING THAT MAKES THESE PEOPLE HOLD ON TO MOVE ON AND GO ON AND MOVE ON WITH THEIR LIVES... Frodo asked Sam, "What do you hold on to Sam?" and Sam replied, "That there's some good in this world... AND IT'S WORTH FIGHTING FOR." Someday when someone would ask us... what do we hold on to? What makes us go on? I'd like to quote Saint's proposed reply for us La Sallians: "That I AM A LA SALLIAN... AND IT'S WORTH LIVING FOR."...
There were other inspiring words from other speakers on our graduation, such as "we can make the difference" even though he thinks we graduated at the wrong time because the economy's in a slump and employment and business are not doing well, we graduates serves as the candle that gives hope and light in the darkness we are in.. We may be the next people who would change the country's situation and even the world.
O di ba ASTIG! Inspiring talaga! No wonder they think of us fresh grads as idealistic people and ones who think that there's still hope. Maybe there really is... And as one of my lessons for this graduation day, "hope is not just there, it is given by the people who continuously face challenges head on and untiringly makes the difference."
yesterday was our practice for recognition. i was suppose to wake up ng 6am. but since tagal na akong di gumigising ng ganun kaaga, medyo mga pass 6 na akong nagising la-la-la-la...^^ mga 30 mins ako late geez.. di naman akong nale-late kapag may pasok ako sa la salle no matter how late ako d night before nakakatulog. oh well.. minsan kailangan ko ata ng may authority such as a prof para sumunod ako sa time.
nung nakuha ko na yung toga ko.. siyempre masayang masaya ako pero since medyo bangag pa ako.. para lang akong lasing ehehe^^ tapos kumuha ako ng foto coverage buti naman at hundreds lang ang fee for foto coverage akala ko abutin nanaman ng libo! lam nyo naman sa school.. it's a blessing from God na ganun lang fee nya la pa kasi money si papa.
nung sinukat ko na yung toga.. grabe.. sarap nung feeling! nakaka-high hehehe^^ basta masaya! AS IN ANG SAYA! un bang parang gusto mong lumabas ng skul or pumunta sa gitna ng campus at isigaw---GGRADUATE NA AKO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!^-^ masaya sobra sobra SOBRANG! SAYA!!! this is one great birthday gift from God last week kasi birthday ko^^! actually sobrang blessing!
tapos kong ma-feel yun..hehe sabi ko parang ang haba nun toga gown ko hehehe so gusto ko sana papalit kaso inisip ko mas maganda at comfortable for me na ganito.
we went to the pearl of great price chapel kasi may meeting daw with the chaplain 9am. pero we went there mga pass nine la naman ni isang grad student na nandun! pinagod lang nila kami at ang kawawa kong mga paa sa kakalakad ng may heels.. huhuhu :,(
okay, ngayon punta naman kami sa auditorium ng yuchengco.. sus! la kaming ginawa kung hindi maglakad...maglakad.. at MAGLAKAD!!! huhuhu in fairness. may moment kami (each student)dun! un bang.. grabe moment ko na i-tetch! ang daming chuvaness na nangyari such as magpractice sa parking lot ng sports complex!!! yes, parking lot! with matching contest ng coordination ng buong college sa pagtayo kapag binaggit na ang kanilang college. at cbe ang pinaka marami!!!!!!yey!!!!!GO CBE!!!!!!^^ finally isa pang blessing talaga na nangyari ay ang hindi pagpunta nun friend ko to claim her tickets di daw rin xa magpupunta sa saturday for the grad.. how did this become a blessing? kasi yung tickets went to me and my friend so hindi na ako namroblema sa pagkuha ng ticket for my brother.. eh kasi naman 2 tickets lng binibigay nila for PICC grad. hay.. bukas ko na type yun iba.. pagod na ako..
Thanks po God for all your blessings!
ang CUUUUUUUUUTE!!!!!!!!!! chibi ken & chibi omi! ang cute cute!!!!!!!!! that's all.. hihihihi ^-^
sobrang kinakabahan ako. feeling ko mali yung pinapasukan ko. i don't feel good about this pero subukan ko pa rin. i'm gonna go to my interview tomorrow sa globe telecoms mandaluyong.problem is i don't even know how to go there! damn it! this is bad. never ako na-fail ng kutob ko.. pero di ko alam bkt try ko pa rin. si God na bahala. kung hindi maganda yung mapupuntahan ko at nagpupumilit akong pumasok alam ko hihilahin nya ako pabalik sa tamang path at gagawa siya ng way para hindi ako mapunta dun. it's a project basis. it's not a permanent hiring. ewan ko ba bakit ko napasokpasok yang adforce na yan. honestly i thought it was an advertising company. it turned out that it was a recruitment agency. i even checked it in the web what type of company it is.. and it was an ad company or at least it seemed to be. di ko alam bakit ko pinasok 'to tanga! tanga! damn it! how can i be sooo stupid! now gusto kong kumalas sa kanila. di ko alam pano! i feel like i'm getting myself into trouble.. God! i'm in dire need of your help! pagsinabi ko naman 'to sa iba.. hindi maganda ang resulta. kainis may balak pa man din akong pumunta dlsu tomorrow! kailangan ko maglakad ng papers.
hmm... i admit. nagustuhan ko yung outcome ng meeting kanina. i wanna say something to the advisers.. pero sa ibang paraan ko na lang sasabihin=) sana lang this time magawa ko na yung iniisip kong gawin. honestly, kanina, hindi naman kami sinasabon kung baga tama lang approach nila medyo brutal na hindi hihihi=) pero minsan kailangan kong ma-bash ng ganun kasi matigas ulo ko. nung nabasa ko ulit ngayon yung msg ni kai sa groups may napansin akong hindi ko napansin kanina anyway mamaya na yun. gusto kong tingnan ulit yung mga feedbacks sa 'kin. teka tingnan ko un message ulit...
okay next..lack of self-confidence...hmm... di ako sure pero.. this is second nature to me.. at least that's what i think.. una, paano ako magiging confident eh feeling ko la naman talaga akong alam sa music.. ang ginawa ko lang before ay kumanta.kumanta.at kumanta. nothing else. ano yun di ba? helllllllllleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrr!!!!! in other words.. aanga anga nga ako! di ko naman lam kung san ako kukuha ng knowledge noh! pano ba? eh i was a member of the music min under omar for less than 2months or less than 3 months! tpos eto.. well.. somehow i was forced to grow sa totoo lang pero it was still my decision to take on this responsibility kaya walang may ibang kasalanan dito kung hindi ako! me! mua! i'm not regrettin' it coz i see this as an opportunity to contribute more sa fc.-that is if im not being a burden ryt now..geez eto nanaman ako..grrrr... plus medyo may elem and h.s. history ako ng pampababa ng self-confidence.don't ask.don't wanna talk about it anymore. ('til now i'm surpressing the memory pa)grabe ang dramatiks!=p
next.victim's mentality.yun nga nasa first paragraph na. next.problem dweller. honestly i think this has something to do with me afraid to take risks and be disappointed in the end. un pagiging disappointed madalas mangyari yun sa barkada before sbi i expect too much may i do so now ang response ko is that i don't expect anything from them anymore. and i'm d kind of person who can only go extremes either too dependent or too independent. well that's a different story.
next.lack of persuasion skills. i totally agree with that!
next.lack of support from omar..hmm.. teka! ANO?! LACK OF SUPPORT? FROM OMAR?! HELLER!!!ETO DI KO NATATANDAAN KNINA NA NABANGGIT.. saang aspect???? I do not believe this..sorry but i'm really gonna jump to his defense.. honestly.. he's always behind me..don't get me wrong pero if there was one person i think that never left me especially nun gulo nung mind ko sa caroling, si omar yun. okay.. defending him too much na ba. well.. tama lang yun! he deserves to be defended.hihihi=)
knowledge abt ministry.mentioned na sa taas.no active member.. well di ba dahil na rin sa persuasion skills??:j hehe no system nga ano ba yung system? hehehe joke!=)may gusto talaga akong sabihin sa advisers pero secret.. di ko sabhin.. sa ibang paraan ko nalng sbhin sa knila.;)
This is exactly how i am right now.. well, cge not exactly pero.. close to that. wahaha kung dati nguguluhan ako in a negative way.. ngaun naguguluhan ako in a positive way... tama ba un naku nababaliw nanaman ako! okay.. parang nagpapakaplastik ako!!! oo na ! FINE! MASAYA AKO! GETS NYO!!! HEY YES! YOU! WORLD! GET'S MO? MASAYA AKO DI KO ALAM KUNG BAKIT PERO CARE KO!!! BWAHAHA PAKI KO!! CARE KO KUNG BAKIT!!! KINAKATOK AKO YUN NGA STATUS NG YM KO RIGHT AT THIS MOMENT!!!! at bukas mag-isa lang ako sa bhay! grabe saya! solo ko house namin.. AY MALI HOUSE KO PALA!!!!!cge ppost ko na nga para may mabasa si shingie hehehe!=)
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