The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
bakit?..bakit ko nararamdaman na malapit na kaming magkalayo...at marahil hindi na magkita... kaninang lunch break, nanaginip ako...he's leaving.. and i woke up crying...nagkataon, gising ang kuya ko..haay, and he saw me, nagbiro pang sinisipon din daw ba ako. humingi ako ng tissue. "nightmare?" he asked. "in less than 30 minutes?" "yeah, in broad daylight!" i kidded. "would you want me to interpret it for you? what's it all about?"---i shook my head---"one word?" (tryin' to convince me to speak up so at least he would have a clue) "Leaving." was all i gave out. He asked who and mentioned some possible people in my family. He also clarified if i was the one who left but i said i was the one left behind. and again, he made a joke..well it comes out naturally for him. And i appreciate it a lot because it made me smile and even giggle despite the situation. I couldn't say it's a friend--a dear friend. i just said "someone" sadly. I did hear him mutter a soft "it's okay'--soft, maybe not even meant to be heard, or a shy one, but it was just what i needed at that moment. That single phrase was a great comfort for me. after a short while, i said.."leaving...with things left unsaid..." Thank you so much bro.. Thanks a lot, and i really appreciate it -- a lot!.
nung nakaraang araw lang, naisip ko, siguro alam na niya..hindi lang niya pinapaalam. la lang naisip ko lang yun dahil sa 'especially' at 'specially'- kung anong pinakaiba nila. eh kasi nang basahin ang definition, bigyan ba naman ng konti emphasis ang 'admiration' hehehe baka paranoid lang ako!!! hahaha..
sana payagan ako bukas sa the boat. despidida kasi ng pinsan ko kaya baka matulog kami sa laguna ng friday night.. kaya nga mdyo mapghahapihapi na me..gtg bye!
bwaha, halos kagigising ko lang or maybe namin from our afternoon nap. 'our' because every lunch time, many of us here in the office take it as an opportunity to sleep or rest. yeah, that includes me, i haven't gone to greenbelt chapel for a couple of days already.. i actually need this 'nap'. almost everyday specifically, every morning, i find myself really sleepy and if i were to be given a pillow, i'd probably get fired for 'sleeping on the job' a long time ago. ha! now something's up--i guess it's quite new if i can say so. now, i'm finding him cute. yeah as in attractive-cute (rolls my eyes) i really can't believe it. that person? cute? hahaha really, me? i find myself thinking that he's cute, and i've practically said it to myself quite a few times this week and there were two special times when i really wanted to remember how he looks like that time--coz i find him..yeah cute. i do like the person, yes. but i never really thought i'd see him as cute. well...okay, i admit, i just hate it that he really looks good. i can't believe i'm saying this..geez!!!!!! sheesh!!one of those two happened just a while ago. i don't know why, but when i woke up, he was the first person i saw (obvious ba?!!) he's really a sight for a sore eye...yeah..hay.. eto nanaman ako!!! ano ba yun?! haaay...wah!!! wla ba talaga akong magagwa tungkol dito?
and again...haay...BBBBBOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!
is it difficult? does it hurt? isn't it lonely? does it feel like you're empty, souless? that's how it goes in this life, in this world. don't you feel like you don't want to wake up anymore if you now you won't see him today?...don't you just find ways to forget him and the pain? doesn't it feel like your heart's being squeezed so tight...
in every step he takes, his feet seemed to weigh much more that it should. it had been awful, and guilt was not really what he's good at handling and it's not exactly his favorite term and this is exactly the reason why... though no one actually wanted this to happen, nor did anyone had anticipated the possible consequences of his actions, still right now, it doesn't matter, for nothing can be changed--nothing..
i wasn't actually expecting him to join me for bfast dis morning--the reason why i said i'd have mine this early 905am... coz he had just taken his. because of a really touching reason..
ANYWAYS...ang BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DITO!!! WAH!!!! gusto ko nang umuwi!!!!
1036am
just came back from our breakfast. *^-^* sundae! yey!! if i'm not mistaken, ngayon lang kmi ulit nagsabay bumaba na medyo obvious..hehehe..happy heart's day to all!!!!
grabe!!!! busog sobra..had veggies w/ oyster sauce made by none other than my ever-magaling and mabait na kuya..shhh..di niya alam na sincere yung sinabi ko. minsan kapag sinasabi ko feeling ata niya nambobola lang ako..hahaha..bahala =) thanks so much!!!!! haay..busog!!! yum yum.
323pm
umakyat ang kuya ko kaya huhu..iwan nanaman mag-isa ang gurl nyo. hay..kanina, magsusubmit ako ng tr with our stubs eh yung isa 8:37 ang punch so super late un since 8am talaga ang pasok ko, my dear kuya has an extra stub 8am. pero sa laki ng discrepancy ng time, di ko na lang gagamitin..huhu =,( i became worried to submit that.. so 'silent talking and scribbled notes ang drama namin ng kuya ko, thinking if it's okay to submit the 837 time or just pull it out or use the 8am one.but scratch agad ang 8am kasi abuso yun..hay..so we decided na okay na rin un late kasi sbi ko reason ko is na-lock un susi sa loob ng house..anyways hayun..buti di ako npagalitan...
new song learned yesterday on the way to landmark&glorietta:
tow tow your car gently down the street, merly merly merly merly merly -------- kami lng ng kuya ko nakaka-intindi hehehehe!!!hahahahaha !!!! ~doubles~
sobra saya!!!! kwela!!!!
at ngayon, gumawa ako ng paperstar, ginawan nya ng stem, so mukha na siyang starflower at ginawan ko ng stand joint effort!!! hwibeee! yey!
hah! bagong theory tinuro ng aking kuya..galing! aliw! hehehe
I'm sitting all alone by the shore,
by: ~ mailto:carlanimfa-feb7
hi bloggie,
well, i was suppose to start typing stuffs this morning. but i just couldn't and i was a little lazy..again. damn, it's starting to drag me out of the right path and out of being who i really am. i didn't realize that i've been thinking a lot about these things lately..
hay..eto nanaman ako sa if only ko.. anyways, going back, first concern..kung mag-reresign ako. I didn't realize that it's been eating me up inside until i talked about it with my 'kuya' this morning...
2:32pm..
how ironic, one of the greatest reasons you have for staying is also one of the greatest reasons you have for leaving...
DITO SI mommy jane! *^-^*
ate spag recipe ni kuya joel *^-^* can't wait to try the real thing=)
yum!!!
good morning bloggie, btw, he also mentioned that he wanted to go back in time to correct some mistakes or whatever... i wasn't able to ask if is it because he has things that he regrets on doing in the past. damn! i just miss that idiot! BAKA!!!pls be here tomorrow....=,( nakakaloka mag-isa dito!!! =,(
8:24am
i'll try to be happy eventhough he won't be coming here. Honestly, i didn't want to come to office if i know i'll just be alone. Sure there's someone else with me, but I can't really enjoy much talking with lady b now can I? Maybe I will really need to get out of this place and be a little bit further from him so this won't get any worse. Well, not that it's not yet worse, you know, get away while i still can, however painful that can be...darn, it'll really wreck me. And now he's not here..darn.. all i can think of is him. It's not that i don't think of him if he's here...seesh, sigh....if only..if only....we could be......
9:24am
Damn! i can't get him out of my head! geez!..and it's exactly an hour since i started typing this entry..1 hour and it feels like a day!!!!... He got too far into my system i guess...i hate to admit it, i miss the idiot!!..ya-en no baka!!!! haaay....
Hahaha! haay..pati infatuation at love na terms hinanap ko sa dictionary!!! loka loka na nga talaga ako!!! And now, I'm thinking that I'm afraid to lose any memory of him...i want to remember every moment we spend together..even the times when we do nothing..maybe this crossed my mind because i think i can't remember or i'm forgetting these stuffs..precious stuffs...more importantly.. i hope he doesn't forget me and the times we're together...i pray he'll treasure them for the rest of his life....too much to ask i guess but still, if it's possible, there's nothing wrong with praying for it.. i also hope he would consider that he was happy, even just from time to time, when we kept each other company. Ghads! i can't believe this person affects me this much. And at first i thought he won't be that special for me- I was definitely wrong...
Waah!!!dating ka na pls (referring to the right person for me)..para matapos na 'to....=,(
Flashback..
Yesterday afternoon.. "you take care" I didn't understand what he said or i simply didn't believe what i heard. "huh? anong sabi mo? 'i did care'? "you take care".."huh? ako?" --he nods--i didn't get it? why say that all of a sudden (well, we were discussing that he won't be here the following day) so..."kelan?" (slow ko or just can't believe it again) "bukas" --he nods--pero mukhang medyo na-wirduhan dahil slow ko. I was to stunned to speak maybe even blushed. "goodluck" .. said that dahil baka iniisip niyang mag-snap ako ulit dahil la nanaman akong kausap at kasama..hah! this time i get it! "thanks, i really need that"
10:36am
And now, i'm thinking of my dreams..because i heard this song and i'm still listening to it..
I have often dreamed, of a far off place
Where a hero’s welcome, would be waiting for me
Where the crowds will cheer, when they see my face
And a voice keeps saying, this is where I’m meant to be
I’ll be there someday, I can go the distance
I will find my way, if I can be strong
I know ev’ry mile, will be worth my while
When I go the distance, I’ll be right where I belong
Down an unknown road, to embrace my fate
Though that road may wander, it will lead me to you
And a thousand years, would be worth the wait
It might take a lifetime, but somehow I’ll see it through
And I won’t look back, I can go the distance
And I’ll stay on track, no, I won’t accept defeatI
t’s an uphill slope, but I won’t lose hope
Till I go the distance, and my journey is complete
But to look beyond the glory is the hardest part
For a hero’s strength is measured by his heart
Like a shooting star, I will go the distance
I will search the world, I will face its’ harms
I don’t care how far, I can go the distance
Till I find my hero’s welcome, waiting in your arms
I will search the world, I will face it’s harms
Till I find my hero’s welcome, waiting in your arms
and as for him..
And now I'm all alone again
Nowhere to turn, no one to go to.
Without a home, without a friendwithout a face to say hello to
But now the night is near And I can make-believe he's here
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
On my ownPretending he's beside me
All aloneI walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found meIn the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
I love him
But every day I'm lonely
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him...But only on my own...
(sniffle) :'(
i've just received a word from a friend that our kabarkada will be leaving for US this saturday for a work-related stuff (she's working for IBM). It's one of my dreams..I'm really happy for her *^-^* go jen!
off to have lunch with beneh=)
3:52 pm
waah!!! nakakaloka 'tong mail merge!!!! after serveral hours...wala pa rin!!! damn!!!
4:43 pm
nakinig na lang muna ako ng song ni chicane ...this was introduced to me by my 'kuya'..i think he likes this song too..kaya haay..yet again thank you po! may song nanaman akong marerember ko siya hehehe...ganoon talaga ako, whoever introduces a song to me, i tend to remember them once i hear that specific song..dunno why.. natural lang siguro..
No Ordinary Morning - Chicane
If there was nothing that I could say
Turned your back and you just walked away
Leaves me numb inside I think of you
Together is all I knew
We moved too fast but I had no sign
I would try to turn the hands of time
Then look to you for the reason why
The love we had passed me by
And as the sun would set you would rise
Fall from the sky into paradise
Is there no light in your heart for me?
You've closed your eyes, you no longer see
There were no lies between me and you
You said nothing of what you knew
But there was still something in your eyes
Left me helpless and paralyzed
You could give a million reasons,
change the world and change the times,
Could not give me the secrets of your heart
and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind
You could give a million reasons, change the world and change the times
Could not give me the secrets of your heart and of your mind
In the darkness that surrounds me now there is no peace of mind
Your careless words undo me, leave the thought of us behind ...
=,( sniff sniff
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