The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
He could not wait for me today.. I don't know why. I'd like to know why but it just hurts to hear him explain about such things. So I don't ask. He said he needs to go home at once. and then....
"Where's the end of the line?" I am in the terminal looking for the last person in line. It was then I saw him.. around 5th from the last person. He left around 2 hours ago and was in a hurry..or so i thought. I stopped on my tracks upon seeing him.. I felt hurt.. for him not telling the truth and because of being slapped at the face by the fact that I'm not worth waiting for--not even as a friend. Then his eyes met mine.. I saw the surprise and guilt maybe in those orbs. I wanted to ignore him but I can't help it. I want him to know it hurts by giving him cold treatment and thrusting his guilt deeper in his chest.. I held his gaze as I approach him..
I'm waiting for my turn in the terminal when my thought drifted to her. I don't know why I had to do that. Maybe just to get away or i don't know i guess i just want to get out of the building as soon as i can. It was then that i spotted her. I saw it all--the abrupt stop of her steps when she caught sight of me. and the tinge of pain she's trying to keep but not before I felt it in her gaze. I swallowed hard and felt..guilty...I said I'll be leaving early and that I need to go home at once, and now, this...My mind started to panic and as I feel my chest squeeze in pain, she doesn't deserve this, what have i done..that thought still in my head, i saw her start walking towards me her eyes never leaving mine..
She was trying her best to smile I can tell coz the brim of tears on her eyes say everything she couldn't. "I see you really needed to go home early" she said. "I..." I wanted to explain but anything just to rescue her from getting crushed with pain. As she tried to smile brighter, it just made a tear roll down her cheek. Then she went past me.
I made an effort to follow her but I couldn't move a limb...What have I done? She doesn't deserve any of this..that night i couldn't sleep a wink.
1246pm 052907
Just a while ago, we were talking about me having a boyfriend or more generally speaking, bf-gf relationship. It all started with me telling him that I would like to shift career paths. I’d like to pursue a career in marketing, and that I told that to one of our marketing department’s personnel who is also a close colleague of ours. Sabi ko kung magkaganoon kailangan kong ayusin yung time ng pasok ko pag malapit na kong umalis dito. Coz there’s no fulfillment in what I am doing. Sabi nya “‘yon!” He said that if I would really like to change my routine, I ought to have a boyfriend. Hahahahaha..Natawa ako. I said that it’s not possible for me to see any candidates given our area.. “at sino naman ang mamahalin ko? Yung pc ko?” I said. ”sa org?” he asked. I tried to think..pero wala talaga. “Kasi wala akong ka-age na lalake, kung meron man, mas bata siya sa’kin” I answered him. “ano bang hinahanap mo sa isang pwedeng maging boyfriend?”. Sagot naman ako, “Kailangan marunon siyang maghandle sa mood ko.” isip ulit.. ”Medyo mas smart ng konti kaysa sa’kin,” “ano bang age ang gusto mo? Kasi delayed ang maturity ng lalake kaysa babae. Babae kasi advanced ng mga 4 years, lalake naman delayed ng mga 4 years. So ideally, mas matanda ang lalake. Ilang taon ka na ulit?” “23” “Kung ikaw 23, mga 27 dapat yung guy.” Haay… “Kasi kung sa age ko, mga 30, 31, medyo iba na yun eh..kung baga tingin ko sa’yo—kung tayo—siguro little sister” “pwede bang palitan yung little?” hehehe “o sige, small, puny”…pout….
~ synopsis version. Di ko na ma-capture yung iba eh.
Lots of things are on my mind, but right now, I'd like to write my thoughts about him. I guess slack time did our friendship some good. I hope it gets better and deeper. I guess I'm really good at keeping my thoughts and my feelings as well as showing or expressing them. Sometimes if there are calls, just like right now, that I don't have an idea on, I get a little nervous and scared.. coz it might be an opportunity that would take him away from me... I still have it I guess--my feelings for this person...not that I can say I love him. It's like my comfort zone --he is making me feel like I'm in my comfort zone. If he's not around, it gets kinda lonely here. Maybe I'm just used to having him around--yeah I guess that's it right on the spot. Eversince I felt a little--just a little bit closer to him, I started to become sort of possessive--more like getting jealous if someone else has his attention...I'd look like this...=( and feel like this...=,(....It seems like my everday dose of laughter and joy comes from him. It's feels nice but it's not good especially if i'll insert the word 'only' on my previous statement between 'comes' & 'from'. Get what I mean?...This sometimes sucks!...
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