The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
uy himala! nakapag-blog ako..actually, kung hindi ako tinatamad mag-blog, wala akong time talaga...oh well..anyways...
siyempre ang dami ko sanang ikukuwento, sa totoo lang sa sobrang tahimik ko dito sa office, sino bang mag-aakala na dumadaldal ako at this moment sa blog ko.. at marami akong naiisip at iniisip...siguro kung susubukan kong i-type lahat, mangangalay lang ako...
there you go.. i've just decided to type in english, i find it a little easier to type in english words..because..(1) filipino words are usually longer, (2) well, i'm used to this.
a lot of things have happened and it's actually starting to make updating this blog difficult. i rarely have time to think of myself..or maybe not..
okay to start with, a friend of mine from Malaysia went home last december, i would really love to spend a lot of time with her but my responsibilities stops me from doing so..don't get me wrong.. i'm not complaining.. i'm merely stating a fact. And now i really don't have an idea of how to fix my sched this saturday... i was planning to have a music ministry GA, but i have to meet with her at the same time.. darn! if only i have an 8th day!
ad: if only my brain has a recorder aside from its memory 'box' i would've had every important part of my thinking recorded! *^-^*
Next, well...it's over..his now a lot more officially with her...if such phrase does exist (well it does now!) i really don't know what to do..okay, i do know, it's just that it seems to be difficult for me to do it. Damn! When that day came, i knew i've accepted everything..and i knew i was ready to move on..and in fact, i was happy and at peace...not until he came back.....i thought i was ready..but to my surprise..i reacted in such a manner i never thought i would...i didn't really do anything bad...just...weird..i didn't expect it.
tbc...
..i reacted in such a manner i never thought i would...i didn't really do anything bad...just...weird..i didn't expect it. I didn't seem to want to talk to him...and i think it was because i was afraid...i have a huge fear of actually being used to be with him again and to be confused about my feelings yet again...i don't want to be shaken anymore...But then.. wala akong nagawa..ang lakas ng impact ng pagdating niya...so two days kami halos di nag-usap...nakakatawa pa nito, he apologized, afternoon, 2nd day..saying he's sorry because he couldn't or didn't talk to me that much..what he doesn't know is that i seem to be avoiding having a conversation with him..=) funny=) but that didn't took to long, for on the third day, i couldn't do anything but to follow what my heart was saying---'talk to him'....
ad: journey is my bg music now...and this reminded me of what happened to me this afternoon at the greenbelt chapel...i prayed...i told God i wanted to let it out..i know that it's being kept too deep and too well inside me..the pain..i was or maybe still am too good in keeping it that i couldn't let it out even if i will it to..but i tried to let it out..my lips started to quiver and a lone tear fell on my cheek..all i was able to say was...hay.. akin na lang yun... and now..i can really say that yes.. is still do care for him..a lot...and God! does he mean a lot to me...~end of ad~
yesterday morning, we went to jlb for brkfst syempre just having a nice time and trying to make the most out of our freedom..i was happy naman=) and happier kasi lam nyo na masaya ka pa rin kahit papaano kung someone you care about is with you=) and lunch was even more amazing..timezone time..yun nga lang talo ako sa lahat ng games namin! kainis!! grrr!!!
this morning, 1/5/06, again, we went out for breakfast. This time, i initiated it. There we were able to talk about me, looking for a job..and on our way back, i said that i don't know if i'll be even lonely if i leave this place... Silently, i thought that the only reason why i would be lonely once i leave this place is him. Why? because he's the only reason why i'm happy here... He is actually the one who's keeping my sanity in this place..without him, i would've been long gone from here or a goner..that's how important he is to me...and with a sad smile, i'm thinking that it's too bad he wouldn't get the chance to find that out...and he doesn't need to. But if he does, it wouldn't matter..not to him.. hehehe if it would..siguro iisipin nun kapag nabasa niya 'to...-anong akala mo sa'kin...walang puso?sobra ka naman- hehehe...
tbc...
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