The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
it took a while before i get to write things down about you again. they say i have to let things out. all i've been doing is holding back, setting thoughts of you aside. I don't want to remember you but i do miss you. I miss the good things about you. Admittedly, you hunt my thoughts. Maybe the DJ's right about what i heard last night on a radioshow, I can't accept that a person i value would hurt me like that or like this. I decided to write this down just to try if I can and if it's possible that this would help heal me even for a little bit. I did test you you know. How far you would go, for me, even as a friend. But you left me behind. It hurts so much i feel my eyes sting right now. I wish i could just forget everything. Treat you as someone who just happen to be in my dreams. That none of those things ever happened. I wanted to keep the good and wonderful memories I have with you, but I'm afraid those too have to go. Otherwise, I won't be able to move on. I know I've been keeping things and right now I'm just typing my jumbled thoughts. I'm thankful that my ahia is here. He may not mean to, I really don't know but what's important is he's one of the major people who keeps me going, one of those who keep me sane. You said you were sorry, but you know what, I can't feel it. Precisely because you continued to make me feel having no value to you even after saying that. You wanted me to get away from you..told me to ignore you, get away from you. In short, I know you wanted to get rid of me. Eventhough you told me that you were telling those things because you don't want to hurt me again. I'm not exactly the most idiotic person to not realize what you were trying to do. I'm no longer oblivious to what you have in mind--what you think behind your nice words, what you mean between the lines. Right now, I'm still in the middle of hating you and the truth that you still mean something to me. I'm still struggling, and I need my friends to keep me away from you. I'll do what I can, that much I feel I owe them and that much I owe to myself. It hurts most when you made me feel disrespected as a girl, as a friend even. (well the friendship was a lie I know--that's as far as you're concerned.) It hurts to be betrayed and it hurts more so because it was you who did it. I have to go for now, at least I tried to let a little of this out. I'll move on. You'll see.
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