The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
Yes, gray... I chose this coz it describes how I feel inside right now... it's like "the feel" of "it's about to rain"
I may have forgiven... or maybe even not. But I definitely have not forgotten.
I want to.. but you see, I learned a new lesson that is part of reality. It's actually a revised cliche, but it makes a lot of sense right now. It says: "Time heals all wounds, but amnesia is the only thing that can make you forget."
Just a while ago, we had visitors from global. I noticed only one thing when everyone has done their introduction, and this didn't pass the ears of our visitor as well. It is that all those who have stayed long in the firm who are present in that meeting had mentioned of a "leveling up" of functionalities, all except me. I wanna beat the crap out of the guy who interrupted her supposedly comment on what I said. Until now, I still wanna beat the S*** out of that guy! She already started her statement when he interrupted though, and she said: "in the same function?". She was referring to how long I have been doing my work. And for my own side comment inside me, it says: yeah. no growth huh?!"
I hate it you know, and to be honest, I still hate him for it. (not that it matters to him) His level of interest in my growth is far lesser than that of his protege anyway. (Yeah! I'm bitter! So they can be unfair to me but I can't be bitter?!). I understand, and I'm giving the benefit of the doubt to any reason this circumstance has to offer. I hate to admit it but, though I want to trust him, my "freudian slips" shows I no longer do when it comes to my career. Personally I still do, but professionally, my trust to him was the cost he very willing cost paid for his decision to "try and risk" what he did to him. He's not a tid bit sorry for what he f****** did!
The only thing the whole ordeal has been doing to me is to demoralize me, and destroy any goodness I'm trying to keep up with.
I hate you, you know? And I hate you far even more for making me hate you this way, coz even though I do, I still value you so much. Even if I'm the only one who would feel I lost something if I lose you coz I continue ranting about this to you (that's why I don't), it isn't enough.
Maybe, I might as well... leave... =,,,(
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