The very thought of you makes my heart sing,
Like an April breeze on the wings of spring,
And you appear in all your splendor,
My one and only love.
It'ls like the prediction of an apocalypse. more like its beginning. What I would give to deny everything that's been happening. To go against the changes. But I couldn't , I can't. How can I if a part of me is saying that it might be the answer to my prayers, that it might be the will of God? .. that it might be the car break God is hitting to tell me to get out of here? I'm not even sure if I want to know what's going on in his mind, what his heart desires. You know, the problem with me is that I seem to have this knack on knowing what will happen next. It might be the result of my over analytical brain, a gift, or a curse. This is crazy. Too much for me to handle, on my own. I'll probably sulk for a veryyyyyyyyyy long time. While he'll probably not sulk at all. This sucks! and those EY freaks suck much more!!!!SO MUCH MORE! yeah, I'll at least allow myself to say the truth on how in feel about things, here, in this blog. Let's call this my sanctuary. This afternoon I had to run to Him, to our Lord's place at Greenbelt chapel. I couldn't stand the pain on my own. I really did cry you know. It was like it was just me and God. The pain is searing, it peels and skins me alive. I know he has a gist on how much it is affecting me. Later on, he won't care anymore. It's always been a pattern, this can't be any different --sadly.
I don't know how I'll be able to cope up, how I'll be able to handle this. I may have choices on what to do, but one thing I won't have a choice about is how much all this tears me apart, whatever choice I make....
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